Happy Wives Club
Number 3 on the New York Times best sellers list. As an antidote to the notion that marriage the world over is in trouble. Programs like ‘Married House Wives’ give marriage a bad rap. The rising divorce rates certainly gives rise to that assumption. With a name like’ Happy Wives Club’ does it take us back to the 50’s…wide spread and negative view about marriage. We as women don’t have to go back to the 50’s to love or adore our spouse’s and there should be nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t take away from wanting to climb the corporate ladder. Women’s workplace shouldn’t take away from love in our hearts. The house wives have made women into caricature’s. Fully embraces femininity and there is strength in that, not weakness. Love having a partner mostly. Having a shoulder to lean on and not feeling alone. What divorce rates show is that we have a dis-possibility problem. We live in an age where we get rid of a TV that is actually working still before its use by date. We get rid of so many things that are perfectly ok and unfortunately the same with our marriage instead of putting in the effort. Divorce rates go up substantially when in your 2nd or 3rd marriage. So it works in favour of working on your first marriage instead of re-marrying. But you have to put in the effort though. Have lists of how to have a successful marriage….one of which is have no plan B. Don’t give yourself the option of divorce. If marriage is abusive…sure..leave…but if a marriage (or relationship) is a loving one with mutual respect then…. The natural tendency when something within the relationship is not quite 100%…we have a predisposition to start a plan B. Throw out the divorce equation. So if you’re having problems..there doesn’t have to be an immediate resolution and meetings of the mind. Because you both have already said you will be together till the end…it buys you some time to work things out and get it right.
There will be those who push back at the list of how to keep a successful marriage. One item on the list is..if you have male friends lurking on Facebook or email lists of close male friends then the moment your marriage starts to have problems, your tendency is to run into the arms of familiar male friends, instead of trying to make it work. I have seen many friends divorce or break up due to having male friends as a back up to your marriage concerns. So women need male friends but have them be married. This is not compulsory..but a guide to success. Others who don’t adopt some rules to go by end up in divorce. Having single male friends is unnecessary. I have my husband for that. If you want to hang out…hang out with your husband. In interrogating that dynamic, a zero tolerance to complaining wives about their husbands. Don’t sit around couples who speak negatively about their husbands/wives. If one wife complains about her husband, the others follow suite and find bad things about their own relationship. There is good and bad in every relationship…choose those that bring you together and embrace the differences….if two of us are identical…then one of us is unnecessary. The beauty of marriage is that you have two completely different people bringing this to the table.
There is no modification whatsoever on either parties. One of the things to learn is that you’re not always right…you can be wrong on occasion. Successful couples around the world all have these things in place. Men love to dote over their wives and are not ashamed to do that. The wives didn’t have to brag of their successes cos their husband’s were their biggest cheerleaders. A happy marriage is not based on religion either…. You can always find an excuse for it not to work…to not be happy in your marriage. The key is to find a reason to be happy and to make an effort and put it into practice.
Managing domestic life is halved..both contribute. A book that reveled in and exploited the decay of marriage in order to get possible buyers to connect with their own dysfunction and buy this book that would help fix it. TV shows like ‘The Real Housewives’ and ‘Desperate Housewives’ are the reason women have found it hard to have good honest relationships.
TIPS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE
1. Don’t miss the point of marriage. I believe many people are missing the point of marriage. Marriage is meant to make you stronger; not weaker. It is the greatest partnership in the world. When utilised properly, it allows you to succeed in life like no other relationship. A marriage that is rooted in a genuine partnership allows you to climb twice as high, go double the distance and oftentimes in half the time. Similar to a relay race, you may only run the first leg of the race, but as long as your partner finishes, you get credit for the entire thing.
2. Happiness in marriage is a choice. Happiness in marriage is a moment-by-moment choice. A decision to love, forgive, grow and grow old together. So often people will point out why another person is happy in their marriage and they aren’t, “They don’t have money problems. They don’t have children. They only have one child. Et cetera.” What I love about having traveled the world, interviewing couples happily married 25 years or more on six continents in 12 countries for my book Happy Wives Club, is they have all agreed on this: “You can always find a reason to be unhappy. You can always find an excuse why another is happy and you are not. The key to a happy marriage is finding an excuse to stay in love and to choose happiness each day.”
3. Don’t point the finger. We don’t blame. If something is wrong, we first look at what we could have done better and then we share with the other what we believe they could have done better. But we look internally to fix flaws before trying to fix one another. When you focus on all that is wonderful in your marriage, rather than the little idiosyncrasies and minor flaws of your spouse, you continue to see the best in it all.
4. Get these things right. Mutual respect is paramount. Being incredibly supportive of one another. Intentionally setting aside time each day, no less than an hour, to connect with one another. And last but not least, we are best friends. There is no one in this world I would rather be with. No one I trust or respect more. And if I knew my life would end tomorrow, there is nothing I’d rather do than rest in the arms of my husband. “I do not give advice nor do I attempt to be an expert. I am an intentional learner, wanting to learn from those who have already successfully done that which I am now attempting to do.
Having the opportunity to interview couples happily married 25 years or more to discover their secrets has been transformational.” And what about single women who read the Happy Wives Club? “The greatest response I’ve heard from single women about the Happy Wives Club book and blog are, ‘This book gave me hope. It made me realise I didn’t have to change who I was, or minimise my worth, in order to become a wife. I could continue to pursue my dreams and still find the love of my life.’ “So many were just encouraged to know that happy marriages exist. Beyond hope, I think this book and blog gives single women the tools they need to begin their marriage right and keeps their focus on all that is wonderful about marriage.”
There are some critics who have called the site ‘anti-feminist’ and ‘smug’, but Fawn disagrees. “Happy Wives Club inspires me daily, the women who are a part of this community challenge me with their own wisdom and advice, and I am a better wife and my husband is a better husband because of it,” she told news.com.au. And Fawn’s final words for married couples? “Out of seven billion people in the world, you chose your husband.
This blog and book helps remind women why they made that choice.” Other tips include: flirt with your husband, express gratitude in the marriage every day, kiss every day, accept each others differences, say ‘I love you’ every day, put your spouse first, spend more time together and cultivate common interests. Out of seven billion people in the world, you chose your husband.
Comments on this story
- emme1411 Posted at 12:17 PM February 07, 2014
I think this is a great initiative, and I follow her blog and Facebook page. too many movies and books focus on cheating and divorce and people think it is normal. but so many people are happy in their marriages!!
- David Posted at 9:36 AM February 07, 2014
If being a happy wife is “anti-feminist” then feminism is really a cancer and anti-woman. Those who think happiness is wrong and go out of their way to make others miserable need to wake up to themselves.